Last week my son called me after school. He told me that he and his friends were hanging out after school and that an assistant principal (AP) had taken him to the office to do a "student confirmation" because DS did not have his ID on him and DS was the "common denominator". On the way to the assistant principal's office, they met his first period teacher who asked the AP why he needed to do a student confirmation on DS. The teacher told the AP that he knew my son; that my son was in his first period class. However the AP still proceeded to his office to confirm that my son was indeed a student of the school.
My son was very upset when he came home. One of his friends came home with him. He said that he did not have his ID on him either. We immediately sent a letter to the assistant principal and cced it to the principal querying why he had called DS "the common denominator",and why he had done a student check on him alone out of a group of six students. Also we queried why if he wanted to confirm that DS was a student because he did not have a student ID, he did not also do a student confirmation on the other student who came home with DS. We also wanted to know if DS was behaving inappropriately. His response was "Call the school for a parent conference." I called assuming there was a secretary but kept getting a machine. Finally he called back around 5:30 that day. He said that DS was the "common denominator" because about a month ago DS was with a group of students after school. The students are supposed to sit on the benches at the front of the school and wait on their rides. He said that some of the students were jumping on the benches. DS was not jumping on the benches as confirmed by DS and his friends. AP did not see DS jumping on the benches as confirmed in our telephone conversation. On the other occasion last week when he took DS in for a student confirmation he said that it was because he went over to the students and asked them what was going on. They said that DS had started it. DS confirmed this. DS said he tossed one of his friend's books into a bush. Then the others apparently picked up on it and started throwing each others books into the bush. The usual kind of behavior you get from a group of 14 year old boys after school. AP did not see DS throw the book. When he came up, the other boys were misbehaving. DS says that when AP came up he was walking in a circle and continued doing so while AP was talking. He said he did not think it concerned him. Anyway the upshot of all this is that AP took DS to the office to confirm that he was a student as, as he told DS when DS asked him, DS did not have his student ID on him. He also told DS that he was the common denominator in both incidents and that is why he was checking if he was a student.
After talking to DS again after my phone conversation with AP I was alarmed. If there was more than one student without ID in the group why was DS alone taken to the office? If (as the other boys confirmed), there were at least four other boys there who were present in both incidences why was DS the only one taken to the office to confirm that he was a student? If at no time did AP observe DS misbehaving, how did he come to be "common denominator"? Why was he the only child that AP could identify in both incidences if AP did not see him jumping on the benches or throwing any books or misbehaving in any way? As a teacher and as a parent and as an adult is the word of adolescent boys playing around sufficient to condemn another child? In our conversation, AP said that there was no disciplinary action taken, that he merely wished to issue a warning. He claimed that as administration, they observed students and that he felt that DS was the leader and he thought he would go back to the other boys and say "See you got me in trouble!" My son is no angel. He is a normal healthy adolescent and he and his friends can be loud and rambunctious. I know that. I also know that children may behave differently away from home. But as a mother and as a former teacher, I felt that the actions of this AP were unfair.
I believe that my son stood out to this AP because he wears his hair in long curly twists. I believe that my son stood out to this AP because he is one of a very few black students in that school. I believe because this AP is not present in the day and does not know my son, he assumed because of his differences he did not belong. I believe that he singled DS out because of these differences. He singled him out because he did not look like the others. My son came home very upset. His friends were upset too because I believe children are very attuned to unfair attitudes. I believe as we grow up some of us lose this very special quality.
I wanted my son to have the same freedom I had growing up in Jamaica. I bought an expensive house in a "good" area to avoid as much as possible, bad influences on my child.
I am one of four kids and we had a lot of freedom back home in Jamaica. In elementary school (or primary school as we call it in Jamaica), we traveled in a group always. Me,my sister, my two brothers and whatever assorted friends were going in the same direction traveled together. We spent our bus fare on snacks and walked ten miles home after school in a group each day. When it rained we took our shoes and socks off and walked in the water at the side of the road. We dallied and dawdled. We visited our friends homes, stopped by to pick cherries at this one stranger's house (they would watch us through the window but never said anything). There was a print shop we would stop at where they gave us paper in all the colors of the rainbow. We did things that would have gotten us a beating if our mother ever knew. But we never once felt unsafe and I don't think my mother ever worried about us the way I worry about my son growing up here in this time.
I fear that people who don't know DS won't see him for the special unique person he is but instead will make assumptions based on his curly twists and the color of his skin. Growing up in Jamaica, we never had to fear that someone would see us as juvenile delinquents because of the color of our skin. In Jamaica, it was your actions that damned you, not the mere fact of your appearance. Now I do not feel comfortable with my son staying after school for any length of time at all. I now understand a lot of things that did not quite sink in before and I am learning it through the one person that I love most in this world. My family says "Better he learns it now rather than later". You see some of us know that when something bad happens and everybody runs away, the one everybody is going to remember is the one who is different. The one who everybody is going to remember is the one with the darkest skin and the curliest hair.
Better he learns the lesson now rather than later when it is too late.
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Another Pink Saturday with wonderful Beverley and a special occasion for me too as I have passed my 100th post without even realizing it. To enter my giveaway, please read the rules towards the end of this post but first some pink treasures, some from the Mount Dora flea market that I attended last week.
A lady dressed in pink petals:
These are some tiny matchboxes I found at a flea market a while back. They are about 1" x 1.5" (and as you can see they are pretty useful as they still contain the matches):
(I apologize but I just noticed the middle one is upside down.)
This one has tiny bells:
There are also some in traditional Christmas colors (and there is the lady one at the end right side up):
I cannot believe I am already over 100 posts. To celebrate the occasion I am giving away a box of various items. There are a few rubber stamps:
A set of unused Victorian-style cards, ornaments, a sheet of floral scrap and a vintage Capodimonte swan from my Etsy shop:
To enter this giveaway, please leave a comment on this post and mention your interest in the giveaway. For a second chance, make a post on your blog mentioning this giveaway and then email me a link. For a third chance, sign up to follow my blog. If you are already a follower, just let me know in your post. Winners will be announced on Sunday December 13th.
The mice are vintage Christmas light covers.
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